I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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