i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
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I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
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I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
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