I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
FUCK WHALES
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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