lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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