kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
