he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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