I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
