So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
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The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
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She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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