He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
