Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
