My balls are so social today.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
