If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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