so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
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Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
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You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder