imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
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He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
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Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.