Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I wish I only lived at night.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.