I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
