I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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