I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
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and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
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he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.