I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
The air was thick with penises
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?