sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
