he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
