if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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