If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
