I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
