no, he came in my armpit
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
