Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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