I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
