I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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