My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
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