I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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