I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
