Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill