you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line