we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain