Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.