I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.