I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet