dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!