Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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