You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
