Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..