How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top