I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
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