you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.