My brain says no but my pants say off.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i used baking grease as lip gloss
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.