I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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