When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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