OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
