I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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