u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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