first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
They have beer where we have blood.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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