she was so not down for the gang bang
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
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You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
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I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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