he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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