Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.