I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
high people should be assigned attendants
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
