Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
