She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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