I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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