mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Randomize