Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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