Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
