I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
