I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
We are two peas in an std pod
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
God I need to hump something, right now.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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